All About Ex's

How Close Should You Be With Your Ex?

For many couples, there's an ex-spouse in the picture. But what sort of relationship should you have with him or her? If you have a child together, you do have the responsibility to be a good parent. However, being overly friendly with your ex can cause stress and negative effects on your current relationship. Dr. Phil offers these three points:

1. It's a New Day. Face it: you aren't married anymore. You separated for a reason, and now you must move on. If you are remarried, it's especially important that you define boundaries with your ex. Otherwise, you'll wind up with divided loyalty—a recipe for relationship trouble.

2. It's Your Responsibility. Redefining your relationship with your former flame is up to you. It's not enough that you behave properly; you must also be certain that the relationship has no appearance of impropriety. 

3. Include Your New Spouse. Does your ex need your help occasionally? Fine. Your new spouse is coming along for the ride, too! This will help to show that while you're willing to be amiable, you have a new life with a new love.

 

Should You Give Your Ex Another Chance?

It's often tempting to go back with an old flame. But are you setting yourself up to get burned? Dr. Phil McGraw says you shouldn't play with this kind of fire.

If you get out, stay out! You tried a relationship once, and it didn't work. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so you're likely to face the same old problems.

 

If you're going to be stubborn and try it anyway, do the work so you can say, "I know exactly why this failed before and I'm confident that it's been fixed." If you can't say that honestly, then you're not ready.

 

Are you the person who made the mistakes before? It's your responsibility to fix them. Otherwise, you're simply saying to your partner, "I want you, but not enough to earn my way back into your life." Prove that you're worth another try.

 

Don't just think that time has passed and that time heals all wounds. Time heals nothing! Deal with the reasons behind the breakup, or you'll wind up breaking up again.